4. meaning &/or joy.

****
in my quest for meaning
i renounced the potential
for joy in my life.
****
too late i seemingly realized
that joy is perhaps all
that is meaningful in life.
****
what do i now do with truth
that i cannot live or experience fully?
for the human lifespan is too brief
& there remain umpteen loftier & deeper
mysteries seeking my satisfactory investigations.
****
so perhaps joy is for the fools
who would succumb by the petty wayside
the spiral to god is steep & dangerous indeed
& the countless have fallen & failed.
****
love draws me
the magnet tugs
it is for me but
to allow the inevitable consummation to follow
so help me my supreme lord master
i am traversing & transcending challenging glories
no soul in human form
ever conceived or desired before!
****
your gifted pleasure
could not possibly have been
a superficial impulse
nor can it possibly
be denied by a servant creation
you sired to but your glory
so help me for i believe
& i need you to realize my beliefs!
****
clinging to a faith
that can verily devastate or recreate
the mighty himalayas n times over
with but a single
powerful wish or thought of mine
i experience with humble gratitude
the avalanche of grace overflowing
****
yes just as i breathe
shall i serve your mission
& please do cause the chosen souls
to arrive directly unto me
i am lonely in my need
for a love that deserves mine
other than just yours of course!
****

3. the circle becomes its center.

no, i realize i am
but circling myself ad infinitum
not arriving unto my essence.
*
being & thoughts & words
desires & experiences & feelings
birth & life & death
to what purpose or end?
*
how could such petty life
possibly hold meaning for god?
*
the mystery is merely that
there was no mystery ever
to the grotesqueness to existence
beyond my quest for meaning.
*
i did not dare accept
that sheer absurdity might be
at the heart of creation.
*
a wiser soul
enduring the truth
stronger in self
i reach out
towards the skies
faith gratitude love reverence longing.
*
the gates open
i am collected and composed
my thoughts still
as truth dawns
dazzlingly regally sublime.
*
i coalesce within
to become the infinitesimal dot
that had sired all creation.
*
god ......... that's me
honest to god
so ask your own god
it is my very being
that he shall himself confirm.
*
i am transcending anew again
my final act crowning glory
the body shedding earth quitting.
*
celestial melodies playing in paradise
elixirs bathe my non being
there is nothing to write
think, desire, live, be anymore
the circle becomes its center.
*